Spend time surfing the web with your children

The first thing to understand is the type of Internet child safety information that is necessary by age group. The following provides suggestions for a child’s appropriate age group:

Internet Child Safety for ages 2 to about 4:
This is the age of "lapware," when children start interacting with the computer in the presence of a parent or sibling. There are numerous activities and sites that are likely to be appropriate for this age group but, in most cases, it makes sense for the parent and child to be exploring together. This is not just a safety issue, but also a way to assure that the child has a pleasant experience, and to help build bonds between the child and the older person who is surfing the Internet with them.

Starting at about age 3, some children can benefit by having a bit more independence so that they can explore, experience discoveries, and make mistakes on their own. That doesn't mean that they should be given free access. It's probably best for parents to choose the Web sites they visit and not let them leave those sites on their own. You don't necessarily need to stand over them or sit with them the entire time that they're in a known safe site.

Internet Child Safety for ages 4 to about 7:
Children begin to explore on their own, but it's still important for parents to be in very close touch with their children as they explore the Internet. When your child's at this age you should consider restricting her access only to sites that you have visited and feel are appropriate. For help with this matter, you will be provided Internet child safety and family-oriented links from our web site.

At this age it's important that kids experience positive results from sites that can enhance their discovery. The issue here isn't so much avoiding dangerous sites, but making sure they are visiting sites that don't frustrate them or lead them down blind alleys.

Internet Child Safety for ages 7 to about 10:
During this period, children begin looking outside the family for social validation and information. This is when peer pressure begins to become an issue for many kids. It's also a time when kids are looking for more independence from parents, according to psychologist Richard Toft.

During these years, children should be encouraged to do a bit more exploring on their own, but that doesn't mean that the parents shouldn't be close at hand. Just as you wouldn't send children at this age to a movie by themselves, it's important to be with them -- or at least nearby -- when they explore the Net. For this age group, consider putting the computer in a kitchen area, family room, den, or other areas where the child has access to Mom or Dad while using the computer. That way, they can be "independent" but not alone.

Also, consider using a filtering program or restricting them to sites that you locate via a child-safe search engine. Another option for this age group is a child-friendly browser.

When your child is at this stage, you need to be concerned not so much about what he's doing online and with the PC as how long he's spending on the PC. Be sure that his time on the computer and the Internet doesn't take away from all his other activities. Kids need variety, and it's not a good idea for them to be spending all of their time on any single activity, even reading books. One way to deal with this might be through the use of a software time-limiting tool. It's even important to be sure that they are varying what they do online. Encourage them to explore a variety of Web sites, not just one or two of their favorites.

Internet Child Safety for ages 10 to about 12:
During this pre-teen period, many kids want to experience even more independence. If children aren't already doing so, this is a time when they should start using the Internet to help with schoolwork and, perhaps, discover resources for their hobbies, sports activities, and other interests. This is also an age when you have to be concerned not just about what kids see and do on the Internet, but how long they are online. Your job is to help them manage their independence. Set limits on how often and how long kids can be online, and be sure that they are engaged in other activities such as sports, music, and book-reading.

At about age 12 children begin to hone their abstract reasoning skills. With these enhanced skills, they begin to form more of their own values and begin to take on the values of their peers. Before that they're more likely to reflect the values of their parents. It's important at this age to begin to emphasize the concept of credibility. Kids need to understand that not everything they see on the Internet is true or valuable, just as not all advice they get from their peers is valuable. A good way to illustrate this is for them to do a search for sites on subjects they know a lot about -- favorite athletes or musicians, subjects they love in school, etc.

Internet Child Safety for ages 14 to about 17:
This can be one of the most exciting and challenging periods of a child's (and parent's) life. Your teen is beginning to mature physically, emotionally, and intellectually and is anxious to experience increasing independence from parents. To some extent that means loosening up on the reins, but by no means does it mean abandoning your parenting role. Teens are complicated in that they demand both independence and guidance at the same time.

Teens are also more likely to engage in risky behavior both online and offline. While the likelihood of a teen being abducted by someone he meets in a chat room is extremely low, there is always the possibility that he will meet someone online who makes him feel good and makes him want to strike up an in-person relationship. It is extremely important that teens understand that people they meet online are not necessarily who they seem to be.

Although it's sometimes difficult to indoctrinate teens with safety information, they can often understand the need to be on guard against those who might exploit them. Teens need to understand that to be in control of themselves means being vigilant, on the alert for people who might hurt them.

The greatest danger is that a teen will get together offline with someone she meets online. If she does meet someone she wants to get together with, it's important that she not go alone and that she meet that person in a public place. It's important for parents to remember what it was like when they were teenagers. Set reasonable expectations and don't overreact if and when you find out that your teen has done something online that you don't approve of.

That doesn't mean that you shouldn't take it seriously and exercise appropriate control and discipline, but pick your battles and try to look at the bigger picture. If your teen confides in you about something scary or inappropriate that he encountered online, your first response shouldn't be to take away his Internet privileges. Try to be supportive and work with your teen to help prevent this from happening in the future. And remember that your teen will soon be an adult and needs to know not just how to behave but how to exercise judgment, reaching her own conclusions on how to explore the Net and life in general in a safe and productive manner.

Activities to help your child

You can use this as an opportunity to have your child teach you something about the Internet. Approach your child about how impressed you are with their Internet ability and that you would appreciate and enjoy it if they could show you how to surf the web. Ask him or her to show you the web sites that they like to visit on the Internet. 

Then, have them show you how to find particular web sites on a topic that interests you. For example, you can say, “This is fun. Can you show me how to find information about golf or clothing or just about anything. You do the surfing and have them guide you.

The next step is to encourage your child to discuss if they have ever had a “not so good” experience on the Internet. You can begin the conversation by saying, “I read that there are a lot of bad people surfing the Internet that try to talk to kids on-line or through e-mail? Has a stranger ever contacted you on the Internet?” At this point, you can discuss the Internet child safety points emphasized in the Education section below.

Educate your child in the same manner that you have when you warn him or her NOT to talk to strangers or give out personal information. Because they are on-line in the safety of their own home or school, they may not understand the possible on-line dangers that can await them without your input.

Communicate the following to your child and reinforce these points on a regular basis:

1. Tell your child to NEVER EVER reveal their name, address, phone number or any other personal information to ANYONE online. Stress that once they give out this information, it is impossible to EVER get it back and that strangers with then know who and where they are.

2. Communicate regularly with your child about WHAT they do and WHOM they talk to online. Unless you know who they are chatting with or have actually met their ‘new” friends in person that they are talking to, reinforce point one and warn them not to talk to strangers on-line.

3. Take computers out of kids' rooms and put them into public areas such as the family room. Many parents think they are helping with homework by giving the kids a computer, but it also opens certain dangers that you may be unaware of.

4. Choose your child's screen name, email address or instant message name wisely - don't' reveal ages, sex, hobbies, and CERTAINLY NOT suggestive or sexy names. Predators are more likely to pursue a child with the screen name "sexyteen5" than "happygirl5"

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• To help you to communicate the suggested Rules for Internet Child Safety to your children, the following a summarized list:

Kids' Rules for Internet Child Safety
1. I will not give out personal information such as my address, telephone number, parents work address/telephone number, or the name and location of my school without my parents permission. This especially includes on-line public places like chat rooms and bulletin boards. I realize that is is an important part of Internet child safety.

2. I will tell my parents right away if I come across any information that makes me feel uncomfortable. I will not respond if I receive an offensive or dangerous email, chat, or other communications. I will do this because I understand the importance of Internet child safety.

3. I will never agree to get together with someone I "meet" online without first checking with my parents. If my parents agree to the meeting, I will be sure that it is in a public place and bring my mother or father along. I also understand that this is critical for Internet child safety.

4. I will never send a person my picture or anything else without first checking with my parents.

5. I will not respond to any messages that are mean or in any way make me feel uncomfortable. It is not my fault if I get a message like that. If I do I will tell my parents right away so that they can contact the service provider. I know that service providers take Internet child safety very seriously.

6. I will talk with my parents so that we can set up rules for going online. We will decide upon the time of day that I can be online, the length of time I can be online, and the appropriate web sites for me to visit. I will not access other areas or break these rules without their permission because I understand the Internet child safety rules.

7. I will not give out my Internet password to anyone (even my best friends) other than my parents.

8. I will be a good online citizen and not do anything that hurts other people or is against the law. I will tell my friends about the Internet child safety rules.
 

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